List Only

Army Wives???

Okay... So we are hitting another snag in the relationship.... I know it has nothing to do with me persay but I am so hurt none-the-less... My fiance's buddies are all getting the "dear john" letters and now he's all full of doubt... He says he can't trust me- and catorgized me as such a female that would cheat- (Mind you, In the process of being together, I had a house with an ex business partner, which I left and BANKRUPT to get out from under that- ) I upped and left NY to go to TN.... had to go back to NY to finish the BR filings.... went back to TN to see him before he left for Iraq... Now, I know that he's hurt- he said that he ruins 98% of his relationships... hence why Im sticking this one out- when we're "on" we're on top of the world.... he just doesnt believe in EVER having a bad day... Right now I am back living with my mom in CT... and I miss him dearly... I feel that he needs to stop listening to the BS and listen to his heart, but how do I "show" trust??? This is a very Touchy subject... as we've been together for over a year.... and we met just after he filed for divorce... only thing is once she found out he was enlisted refused to sign the papers (three months later) They had only been married a year... so the whole time he's been enlisted he's been letting her "hang herself" so that he can have visitation rights (she told him if he divorced her he would never see his first born son again) AAGGGHHH... Yes I've had trust issues with him and he has with me- given HIS circumstance and given my "business partner"- both situations have been rectified and I just want him not to worry about me running out on him... I dont even talk to my old guy friends anymore out of respect for him- I dont do the club thing- I dont drink etc (I crochet for fun) I just am so confused and hurt... No- I dont believe in just "leaving him" so that advice wont be good for me... I just want to reassure him that Im NOT like those trifling women that gave those soldiers the dear john letters... I could never do that to him- I dont even THINK of another man in that aspect- I havent since we've been together... I actually got sick to my stomache when he said he was being deployed and couldnt eat etc... I just want him to see that Im doing the right thing and that Im not like that- that I am his and his alone and I dont want to lose him because his "buddies" are giving him wrong information ie "you know while you're gone she's going to be sleeping with other men, girls cant be faithful unless you're there" HELP PLEASE

Public Comments

1. I hate to say this about the guy, but when women give me that problem I always get the feeling that theyre the ones who are the cheaters. I would never tell a girl i thought she was cheating unless i knew 100%. Every time he says something like that hang up on him. He's not giving u the respect you deserve.
2. if he can't trust you....it's not worth your worry and stress. trust and love go hand in hand, and you can't have a functioning relationship without both aspects. He is probably having a hard time thinking of having a woman who is so far away...especially so soon after his divorce. I know you don't want to hear it...but if it doesn't resolve itself soon, you have to let it go. Maybe just give him some time to figure out who he is before commiting to another relationship. Coming out of a divorce is hard and really hits the self esteem, even if you don't love each other anymore. You seem patient and willing to help him...maybe you should just wait until he returns from the service...you both will have had time to grow and learn.
3. I don't believe its YOU he's not trusting. I don't think he trusts himself. You shouldn't keep putting yourself out there to just get spat upon. Its obvious you love him, but he's got issues he himself has to deal with, i really can't believe you have anything to do with that. Is this how you want to be over the next 40 years? No way, you deserve better. Maybe things will work out, but it doesnt seem that you need to change anything (sounds like you've bent over backwards for him). He needs to figure things out.
4. First of all, calm down and know that everything is going to be okay, if you two are meant to be together which i am sure you are than everything will get worked out. I know you probably already reassured him that your not going to leave him, just keep doing it. My husband last year when we were still engaged thought i was going to find another guy and leave him, i didn't because i couldn't see my future with any other guy except for him. Tell him how much you love him and how much you want a future with him, try to get him to think about what will happen when he comes home. Just don't give up. Good Luck!