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how come when your in the grip of powerfull depressions, where you feel stuck, lonely,isolated, have?

no friends.....you live alone....on welfare...you eat for one everynight....you dont own much material wealth.....you deal with BPD that youve had long term because of a tramatic life.. youre sat in your apartment at night...browsing the myspace profiles looking at all the happy faces who look like they have a nice fullfilling life... how come when your in this intense depressive state everyone appears to be getting on with their lives...going places....indulging in fullfilling lives...getting their needs met....amoungst friends, lovers, partners... except you....your trapped...and it feels like these grim circumstances will last forever until you die how come it always seems evrybodys having a happy time outthere except you? where as i fight to get through each lonely day, waiting for therapy..trying to keep focused on my long term goals of emigration to build a new life away from britain.. i tell you, ive lived this way most of my life & its truly hideous. im 30 no

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1. Because that's what they present to the world. Everybody has problems. Nobody posts on myspace that they feel inadequate, lonely, are broke, etc.
2. Because some people choose to live their lives even if they are not perfect. You should start with smaller goals in mind to accomplish and not keep thinking about the big, huge goals about emigrating. Life is about choices even if you have bpd or other mental illness. Each day you choose how you live your life. Some choose to make each day count and incorporate a little happiness into it with what they do. At least you are not living on the streets! It's all in how you look at things. If you tell yourself you can't doing anything and are a complete no good and a failure, then you won't get anywhere and won't be happy.
3. Is it sort of like being on the outside looking in sometimes, and at other times you are on the inside ALONE and everyone is looking in at you like you're an exotic creature at a museum or something? That's kind of how I feel right now, either left out of something or the topic of slander and gossip. I know some of it is my mind going into an unhealthy state, but I believe some of it to be true just because of how differently I think about things. See, when you spend a lot of time by yourself, it is sort of like what convicts in prison go through..they near their release date and start to act up and get additional time out of being institutionalized. And though our type of isolation is a psychological state and not physically locked down, the things that happen as a result of both are very similar. Hey, have you ever thought of like stowing away on a boat to get out of there? It really wouldn't be that hard! I don't know if I was kidding or not when I typed that, sorry. I am not at my best today as you can tell; I'm lonely and my thoughts feel blurred.
4. I wish I could fly to Britain and help you. It seems like you need just one good friend that could be by your side and help you through this stage in your life. But since I can’t be there, I’m just going to tell you that you’ve got to be pro-active in helping yourself. I know how hard depression is, I’ve been there and dealt with depression my whole life. (I’m 26). Depression can render you completely helpless and I know it’s harder for you because you are alone. Somewhere you have to find the strength to make yourself go out of your place of residence not spend so much time in the company of a machine (computer). I know in a previous question you mentioned that the area you live in is kind of seedy, but is there a library or a bookstore near you? You could always meet someone intellectual and interesting at one of those places. (and they are free to visit!) What would be great is if one of those places was within walking distance, because exercise is a natural anti-depressant. (Endorphins get released in your brain when you exercise.) Something else that helps me when I’m feeling really down is to pray. There are all kinds of prayers on the internet, spend some time looking them up – there are a lot of beautiful ones out that are very inspiring.
5. Ive lived with depression for years and I know for a fact that it was because I chose to see things in a certain way. It was hard work but I turned it around. Check out cognitive behavioral therapy, or books about it. Start with finding small things that are going good in your life and focus on those, not the bad stuff. Do good things for yourself and nurture yourself. Find or create something every day to feel good about. You must do the work but you can do it!
6. i really must challenage almost all of your asseretions here.im assumeing you have led a very sheltered life.i percieve things very differently from you.i imagine most people as only as" looking "or "appearing" happy on the exterior,but my premise is that behind that exterior that they are deeply unfulfilled,and exactly as you do , they continually gaze accross the fence to the greener grass on the other side,where they wish they were on a day today basis they may shop to make them happy, but that soon wears off . Also i see only a small percent that have not comprimised their ideals,when it came to a marrige partner and i percieve many of these marrieds as leadinding lives of silent despair and of quiet desperation. those who actually do manage to stay married longer than 5 years.i expect many may be so lonely within these marriges that they seek an affair (,once again on the greener side of the fence) it is folly to think someone else can make you happy. long term they are more likely to make you un happy (few exceptions do exist :i know a few).i see very very few persons who would not swap circumstances with someone else.ive personally experienced relationships that have left me lonely and deeply unfulled to the point i didnt care if i had to wash my own shirts .i coud go on and on infinitum.if you truly want to have a fufilled life, then learn to seperate your needs from your wants,and show more thought and consideration to those less fortinuate than yourself.you different to others only to have simply lost the ability to" look" as if youve got your stuff together.and because you are obessed with you SELF being happy you will probably blow any real chance of finding it untill you de centralize you ego ,because you are so self obessed that ill bet other bpd s wont wana hang out wit ya......and the next thing wiil be you ll end up thinking society has wronged ya,and youll end up in a locked nut ward. the best answer for you is .....seek ye first the kingdom of GOD and HIS righteouness,and all these things will be added unto you.....I have come that they might have life ,and have it more abundantly JESUS of NAZERETH.(may you recive him into your heart,that you may experience life before death as well as after.HE loved you all the way to the cross of calvary)HOW can you refuse his offer of salvation? offer to him the broken fragments you describe Taste and see that the LORD is good