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im really angry - i have so many problems - i feel branded/stigmatised forever & im not getting therapy i need?

i just read this on a reputable BPD site : '' In general, standard group therapy is not often recommended for those with BPD, unless it is a highly structured environment such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy or other groups tailored specifically for Borderline clients. For the Borderline, subjective feelings of worthlessness and the need to compete for caretaker attention can worsen in a group situation; also, some studies have shown that the presence of someone with BPD in a group setting can significantly impact the therapeutic effect for non-BorderlineD participants. A better alternative might be Medication Support Groups. '' from this site ; http://www.bpdresources.com/treatment.html and theyve refered me to some group therapy place who assesed and told me i wasnt ready for group therapy right now but refered me to a local resource centre where they do crafts etc , like a drop in to help me integrate better with people.. theyve told me thers no individual one one one psychotherapy in my area. plus heres my situation in general; ive had a very difficult miserable life - missed out on EVERYTHING thus far : relationships, friendships , employment, qualifications etc. suffered severe abuse/ bullying throughout my life, im now 30 years old , i feel ive aged prematurly because of stress , i have a minor criminal record , ( carrying a knife in a rough nieghbourhood, carrying a snooker ball in a sock - assault , kicking someone - ) spent time in a psychiatric hospital for 18 months because i said things to scare psychiatrist because i wasnt recieving help in the community. all that was about 7 years ago, since then ive been from pillar to post, ended up homeless for 9 months. ive made alot of progress from how i once was - i used to have rage outbursts in public and lash out and pick fights with people, due to bottled up anger when i was bullied. in the present im living in a one bedroom apartment in a dreary part of england on sickness disability - iam waiting for group therapy because thers is no individual psychotherapy in my area. i was diagnosed with BPD and post traumatic stress traits. i have physical problems, torn ankle ligaments, i need an operation on my left ankle - cracked skin on my penis, waiting for a 3rd opinion from a dermatologist - im out of shape badly because i have been inactive for so long. my physicality is weak. im so jumbled up an confused because im wondering what to do and in what priority - i have goals in life i want to reach ; i want to emigrate from england to somewhere hot and coastal with a good paid job in IT computers. i definatly want to emigrate inspite of my disadvantages - but im so depressed because im starting from nothing, from scratch virtually. and now im worrying how i will achieve that goal, and what order to do things , like prioritise ? i feel in a rush, im scared it will take too long to achieve my goals as im already an aged 30 , 31 in january. i want to work towards my desired goal and realise there is only me to save ME , but im confused as how to go about things. .... ive lived inside the system all my life have no life skills now iam desperate to stand on my own two feet , achieve my goals - leave britain and go my own way. can someone help ? i fear if iam trapped in britain , i will deffinatly to commit suicide. iam not happy here, its been my childhood ambition to leave , i wanna leave , and that is that. im aware im at big disadvantages but my number 1 goal above anything in this world is to leave britain. i fear ive left it too late to achieve my ambition, ( nearlly 31) and that im to disadvantaged because of my past. im sick of people undermining my goals, pointing out my mistakes, telling me that i have no chance of leaving england , unfortunatly its mostly brits who put me down, tell me its unrealistic, that my past will go against me - like their keeping me prisoner here... but inspite of that i feel falsely imprisoned in the uk anyway, like im being kept here, against my power. i dont want to do one day at a time which is what most say, i literally want to rush off and leave here next week.. i have a sense of feeling trapped here. i dont live in a rough area really but you do see no hopers, alcoholics , groups of teenagers acting hard , white skin heads etc - and thats not what i want to be around. grrrrraaarrrgh !!! ( clenched teeth ) i feel so angry - i have alot of problems - and i cant decide what to do, what to prioritise and which is the best way forward.. im 31 in january, im panicking - ill never achieve my goals.

Public Comments

1. My friend, I have suggested you go to this site, and I don't think you have gotten around to it yet...but they are right there where you live,and would help you to get your treatment, as they work with your CPN, and your doctors and have the resources to help you faster..if you are as desperate as you sound, to get well, then you please, make yourself go and give it a sincere try, and let them know how long you have been suffering ...it is ridiculous, that you have been waiting so long, with no help.You have done more for yourself, than they have, in my estimation....Please go to the site I suggesste, the cover everything and can help expedite your help needs quicker x
2. Yes you will, get over your past....period, move on. Keep holding on to bull**** that is what you will end up with. Set your goals and make them, forget about friends for now, take all of that built up fustrated anger and distribute it elsewhere....for starters on your future.....maybe easier said than done, but that is what it is
3. i know its a horrible pill to swallow but you have to, pick your self up, ignore the negativity for so long and eventually you gradually will be less bothered about everyone who pulls you down, go down to your library tomorrow about doing a college course, come on only you can do this its all up to you, give it a few years and you will have worked yourself up to computer level qualifications, it will just take some work on your part and you will get there in the end.
4. you won't get 'better' if you look for things to hack you off,do something that makes you calm. I suggest turning your computer off and relax in your mind.You are overstimulated,i'm sure