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How to make husband more understanding of 35 year old disabled, depressed son . His father won't go to therapy

The disability is invisible to the naked eye and effects breathing, sleep and concentration so my son hasn't worked for a few years. IT was caused by medical negligence. My son was a top achiever and university graduate before he crashed. He's trying ro rehab - but it's slow progress and he becomes vociferous and hard to live with. MY husband tries more than he used to but then ruins everything by a snide remark out of the blue. When my son crashed he was living in my late parents' apartment, but I brought him home as he couldn't look after himself at that time. I should have moved him to an apartment near our home, instead of to our home,but at the time I was afraid of the extra expense. There is a constant battle between them for my attention. I am very aware of that.When I go away they both make more of an effort to get on, but I can't be away all the time.They are very similar and impressive.My son has a phenomenal memory,huge general knowledge and this drives my husband crazy.

Public Comments

1. Right -- sorry if this sounds rude when u say 'crashed' do u mean became ill? or did he have an accident? With that in mind you have pretty much answered your own question u know they are they way they are to crave for your attention and get on as if by magic when you aren't there.. Tell them both to grow up and pack it in- they are grown men and its getting you down. your husband as a father needs to be a little more patient.. Is your son on medication? you need some time out i think
2. Many fathers want more for their children then they have had for themselves. We see this in the dad that never made it in sports being proud of his son when he is the winning quarterback on the team. Much of your husbands reactions has to do with pride but his son needs his unconditional love more then anything else. I do not think this is something that can be overcome with just an easy answer but I would like to invite you and your family to a support group that will help give you ALL support in learning to care for each other. Although the focus is on abused men, this group is for anyone that is hurting and we do try to help each one build a good relationship with others.
3. let them battle. it's good for your son and he will eventually be stronger for it. just kindly ask him if he is going to let anyone tell him what he can and can not do? sad part is men tend to use tough love with those they cae about. while sometimes cruel it is designed to awaken a man's inner (FIGHT) responce. problem is in knowing when to (Piss him off) and when to (HUG) God Bless and grant you guidance
4. Men feel like they have failed when something like this happens. Don't know why they just do. Have the son ask him to go.
5. Check out (http://www.reducingstress.net ) there is a lot of great content, inspiration, motivation and information on the subject there. Good luck.