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Until i get proper help and therapy, how do i handle my obsessions & obsessive worries?

at the moment im being failed by the mental health services as i have been for 16 years, im now 31. im not getting the treatment program i need or further assessment to test for ptsd, i have bpd , borderline and struggle with many symptoms daily including manic worrying and racing thoughts........scattered jumbled up thoughts.....mind blanks out....forget things, cant hold a train of thought well..............have obsessive worries everyday. one particular obsession is the fact i live on disability in a one bedroom apartment on the 3rd floor owning little material possessions. never had an opportunity to be employed ever because of hard life misfortunes. for years ive been obsessing about hoarding material possessions , even though i dont have much. i have a custom made old computer, a few books, a playstation 2, old dvds that are scratched, a few games for playstation.... recently ive ordered clothing items off ebay......and i have a problem where the product has to be perfect , and i scrutinise things to see if its tampered with or not perfect.........ie : if a bit of stitching is loose or the fabric has a small hole in it. and if i find an imperfection, i obsess and worry that somebody has tampered with it on purpose.....so that i have nothing nice and in good condition..........to ensure that i never own nothing perfect or of any worth... if i spot an imperfection, it ruins my day and i think somebodies done it or ruined my merchandise on purpose..............then i will feel depressed like i have NOTHING of value........and have to purchase more material items......so i feel like i ' have something ' this problem has troubled me for a long time, how do i finally beat it ? if the product is imperfect and feel ive been left with nothing, or its been tampered with........i can lose control of rage , become aggressive and snap. until i get the right therapy, because im being failed, how can i manage this particular psychological problem ? i think : if the product is damaged purposefully or unpurposefully , that its taken away the value of the material item. and. if the item is damaged, then my mind thinks i '' have nothing '' i then become depressed insecure and enraged. how do i combat this ?

Public Comments

1. You just don't want to work , lol ,nobody does but we do it anyways get with it
2. My partner has obsessions like yours and has been seeing a pscyhologist for years it only works very slowly. I understand it can take up your whole life as I have lived through it and also have a dissociative disorder - Your g.p is your primary carer get them to keep lobbying services. It s really serious my partner nearly died of OCD and the only advice that I can give you is to try to build some safety into your system write down messages to yourself about how to think and feel keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings and when you are feeling at your wellest look at them and see how you might have alternatives there is a cbt course online and also a bpd self help site bpdworld.
3. I think your problems could potentially stem from two major causes. The first is that you have nothing to do. You don't work because of your mental health issues and you probably don't do a lot again because of these issues. However, this can actually be a catch 22 situation. Because your mind has little else to occupy itself, your obsessions become magnified. Your mind is free to obsess as much as it likes. I think you need to try to focus your energies on something else. Have you thought about attending any local support groups - contact your local MIND centre for advice on what is available in your area. Or perhaps you could take up some kind of hobby or do some voluntary work or a course. Something and anything to get you out of your flat once or twice a week and help engage your mind on something new other than your obsessions. The other major influence I think, is you self esteem, or rather lack of it. Clearly it is very low. Have you considered that you are looking for imperfections in these items because deep down, you don't feel you actually deserve them? Again, I think this lack of self esteem relates to your situation. You need to try to spend more time with others and do things that might help to build your self confidence. Your road to recovery will not be easy but I really think that simple steps to get yourself out of your flat and to occupy your mind will help alleviate your day to day struggles. As for gaining support from mental health services, the only thing I can recommend is that you continue to see your GP and badger them for support. Also look for local charities that might be able to help you such as MIND. I would also recommend to contact OCD Action for further advice and support on www.ocdaction.org.uk or tel: 0845 3906232 or Saneline on 0845 767800 www.sane.org.uk. Good luck.