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Is my boyfriend abusive and should I leave him? Will I ever find someone as good or better?

Ok, so let me explain. I have been together with a man who is 14 years older than me for about 3/4 months. I am 21 he is 35. We met on the internet. He is a really affluent guy, somewhat handsome, and very intelligent. He has offered to pay for my school, buy me a second boob job among other things... He is really loving toward me, its almost strange because it happened so fast. The first time he flew me out to LA he told me he loved me and he has since told me that he loved me the moment he saw me in person at the airport and knew for sure that I was not some kind of imposter pretending to be a hot chick on the internet or something LOL. Of course I wanted to make sure he wasn't the type to go around telling every stupid girl he loved them esp. because he said it to me so quickly. I had to know it was genuine and that I was truly special. So I asked how many women he has loved and he told me just me. He also said that I am his ideal woman and his soul mate. Pretty heavy stuff I know. Now, I am bi polar, I have psychotic disorder and PTSD that stems from a rape. So keep in mind that I can be pretty difficult and surly at times without even knowing it. Its a part of my disease and it has negatively impacted just about every relationship whether platonic or romantic that I have ever had. Im complicated. :) Anyhow, we get into some pretty heated arguments and it can get pretty tumultuous. Almost a knock-down drag out fight if you will. We will have a minor disagreement about what show to watch on TV and it will escalate into a major fight filled with tons of animosity. At one point he got right in my face, screaming at me... He called me a B*tch, a s*ut and a cheater. He told me that I was worthless, fat and that I had a cellulite ass. (im 5'4" 130lbs with size F cup silicone breasts) All because I had texted a male friend from work about doing laundry. I was upset because he demanded that I do his laundry and I didn't want to. There was nothing at all romantic or disparaging about the text (btw he goes through my phone and I have to lock it now to keep him out, HOW INTRUSIVE!) I was sobbing and scared out of my mind because he is big and black and was in my face screaming at me until I cowered onto the floor in fear. Out of instinct I said; "Don't hit me!" because he was so near and angry. His reply: "Ill f*cking hit you if I want!!!" Then he mocked my facial expression. A few minutes later he apologized for calling me fat and telling me I have a cellulite ass because I have an eating disorder and I really take those sort of things to heart. I started purging alot more because of all the things he said. I always bring up how he said that stuff to guilt trip him... it happened like 6 weeks ago. He tried to make it up to me by taking me to Legally Blonde on Broadway but Im still distraught over this. IF that werent enough... we got into another argument over some other stupid, miniscule thing and he calledd me a C*nt and told me that my father was right and that I indeed am a no good ungrateful b*tch. He got in my face, made me cry and as soon as he went to the backyard I packed all my things and headed for the airport on foot hollywood hills (los angeles) a city I know nothing about. I was scared out of my mind and I didnt know where to turn. I walked for miles in the heat of mid day late august in search of help... with a 60lb suitcase, 30lb back pack and 5lb purse. It was utterly traumatic. Once I got help (if you could even call it that) I took an 80$ cab to the airport and awaited my flight. Meanwhile he was blowing up my cell phone. After all the anger with him settled, and I was in the airport, sweaty, bruised from my suitcase hitting my legs as I ran, and sore from running so far. He called me and apologized profusely and told me that He loved me and wanted to marry me. I was very reluctant and rude to him. I kept hanging up in his face and cursing at him, but after a while he came back to the airport in his Porsche and picked me up. He promised to make it up to me so he rescheduled my flight and bought me a new pair of pink ed hardy shoes and reimbursed me for the 80$ cab ride. He can also be pretty incorigible at times... I will repeatedly ask him to stop groping me or trying to perform sex acts on me and he wont stop... I wouldn't go so far as to say he rapes me but he comes pretty close. He also does this with tickling... I hate being tickled and he wont stop doing it! Sometimes he slaps me a little. Like when we were in the car riding back from San Diego I said something he didn't like and he slapped my thigh really hard and left a red mark. He denies that he hit me until we are both blue in the face. FYI- I got into a contract marriage with a soldier at age 18... still not divorced but he has also promised get me annulled from the soldier and help me through my bankruptcy that I have to file... that soldier put me in 80,000

Public Comments

hes abusive and crazy. yes u can do better. u should break up with him and also see a therapist for your bi polar if your not already.
money is no reason to stay with this guy-- he is abusive-- if not completely physically abusive (which I would definitely consider everything you said to be physical abuse as well) he is DEFINITELY emotionally and mentally abusive- and with your history and conditions... YOU DON'T NEED THAT. Get out of the relationship as fast as possible girl...
that sucks major leave him and im sure you can do better cause it sounds like you deserve better
Calmly, and Carefully, tell him how you feel. tell him that you are unconfortable with the things he does and that you want him to stop. if he really loves you he will understand.if he blows it all out of porportion, DROP HIM LIKE A HOT POTATO!!!!!!! hope this helps :3
GET FAR AWAY FROM THIS GUY NOW!!!!! HE IS GOING TO GET YOU KILLED / STUCK IN A SPOT YOU CANT GET OUT OF! SERIOUSLY GET YOURSELF OUT OF HIS LIFE AND NEVER TURN BACK NO MATTER WHAT HE PROMISES YOU
wow just reading this stressed me out, you better get outta there and stop being money hungry
Hey you are dating someone who is 14 years older than you? How bout online dating with someone who is 6 years younger eh??? lol Anyways... It's up to you. If I was you I would dump him. It sound like this will keep going on and on forever (Treats you bad, and then apologizes). Also, keep in mind that you are 14 years younger than him! You deserve someone better, way better than he is. If you want, try to work thing out if you are really sure you think he is THE one. Just remember, make good decision, and don't waste you life on some idiot. You are young damn it! So my advice is to dump him. But its all up to you.
You seem very materialistic and the only reason why you stay with him is because he buys you things you couldn't afford on your own. Sorry that needed to be said. Anyways, yes, he seems very abusive. You could do a lot better. But if you're only looking for a guy to buy you things then you'll probably end up in the same situation. You need to seek counseling for your disorders, they are disrupting your life and you need to be able to conquer them so they don't.
Dump this jerk and go see a therapist. Good luck.
It seems pretty clear to me that he is abusive. And it will only get worse as time goes on. Okay so he's got money, Thats not going to save you each time he beats the f*** out of you. Believe me his temperment and need of control will lead to some serious problems. Get away while you can!
You need to run -not walk- away from this guy. If he has treated you so badly this early on in the relationship, it will be even more horrible the longer you are with him. I speak from experiance. Good luck.
Okay. Listen. First of all, do you really love him? Because if you balance the abusing and his 'kindness' towards you, the abusing definitely weights down. If you think you're good with him because he provides you with all these great stuff and luxurious things, leave him. Sooner or later he might be bankrupt, or leave you for someone else, I think he likes you because you are gorgeous. Trust me, he's not good for you. You'll find another guy, maybe not as rich, but is seriously nice and truly loves you. You shouldn't marry ANYONE at ALL that abuses you, because once you two are married, it will happen over and over again. But of course you could get a divorce and get half of his money, but not wise. I think a guy should treat you nice enough and from the heart so you two can last a life time. You're still young. Leave him and move to somewhere else with a friend and start something new and simple!
This guy really doesn't seem good for you. Anyone who would hit, slap, cuss out, or grope a lady isn't a real man. HE seems like the bi-polar one. I suggest you 2 get a therapist. There seems like a lot of stuff going on here that I can't quite understand. And btw, You aren't fat or evn remotely close. I'm in 8th grade and DON'T have giant boob job like urself and I weigh just about the same amount. : ) I would say he is slightly abusive tho. Hope I helped! Happy Trails! ! !
You do sound somewhat immature and you definitely sound like are you are using him for money. If you don't like how he treats you, easy enough - stop seeing him and stop taking his money.
Yea you definately need to dump him. No girl deserves to be treated this way. You deserve a guy who can respect you and love you. After all there's someone out there for everyone. He says very mean things to you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have ever said that. He buys you things to make up for his mistakes. Naa those are more than mistakes, there's no word for that. Find someone who can bring out the best in you.
u should leave him... and i'm sure u'll find someone better.. i mean this guy can be that good u know... and u're only 21 ^^
Hey girl, I'm reading between the lines of your question and you sound kinda materialistic and superficial. You said you have an F cup boob job. What's that got to do with anything, lol? You also mention later that your bf's black. So what, are you saying all black guys are automatically physcially abusive? He doesn't really even sound like he's "abusive" anyway, just a bunch of verbal arguments, tickling, and horseplay that he apologized later for, and even took you shopping to make it up to you. What's the crime in that, I do the same thing with my gf after an argument, and so does pretty much every other guy. Do you apologize too? What do you do to make it up to him? There are always two sides to every story, that's one thing I know for sure girl. You state your bipolar with psychotic disorder and that it negatively impacts all of your relationships. Sounds like it's impacting this one too. Are you in therapy or taking anything for that? If not, maybe you shouldn't even be in a relationship right now. Why are you even dating guys when you're married anyway? Does he know about that? You wrote he tells you he loves you and tries to do things for you, but you don't mention anything you've done for him, or how you even feel about him. You just say he has the financial ability to help you. And at the end you wrote that you only married another guy for the benefits you could get from him. Wtf? Are you just a user or something only in it for yourself? That would piss off a lot of people. From what you wrote you sound like you are only with him for the money, and have no real feelings at all. Maybe he senses that and that's why you guys argue. Or maybe it's your mental problems. Either way, you don't seem to be taking any responsibility for anything, and that's always a red flag for me when I'm trying to date a girl. Hope you figure it all out.